Lost Love
by Aerilon452
Summary: Van Helsing dreams of Anna.


Summary: Van Helsing dreams of Anna.

Rating: T

**LOST LOVE:**

Sweat coated his body, his heart beat like a wild stallion running a distance. He sat up in his bed in the Vatican , "Noooooo!" He screamed. Gabriel Van Helsing looked to his right hand to see claws, to see blood. The claws faded and his hand returned. His curse of the werewolf still haunted him, still made him a monster, but it made him a better hunter. The cure had been temporary after all. Leaving the warmth of his sheets behind, Gabriel climbed out of his bed and stalked to the open window letting the half moon bathe his naked body in ethereal silver light. Just another week until the full moon. What was he going to do? Once again he looked down, Gabriel looked at the blood on his hand and thought of Anna. He had killed her. Night after night he dreamed of her, dreamed of what he did, and he hated himself all over again. In the dark he heard her voice. In his mind he conjured her face.

"_Some say you're a murderer Mr. Van Helsing, others say you're a holy man. Which is it?"_

To the night, to the moon, Gabriel confessed, "I'm a murderer Anna." Anger welled up inside of him then; anger at himself, at what he had to do. That's when the wolf inside of him howled. It wanted to be free. But it couldn't. It was confined within his human form until he chose to shift. The one good thing about he cure; it gave him the choice of whether he wanted to become a monster. If he could, then he would never shift again. He had tried that the last full moon and it hadn't ended well. The Cardinal and Karl had locked him in a reinforced cell so he could turn, so he could become the monster they all feared. Only, he had been aware, he knew what was happening. Rather than rage and attack the bars, the wolf in him pined for Anna. It howled in pain and clawed the walls. At one point Karl had reached through the bars, he tried to soothe the pain inside of his friend. Gabriel only moved out of reach.

_Knock! Knock!_ "Van Helsing?"

It was Karl. The voice had been low, barely a whisper, but he had heard it as if Karl had stood right next to him. "You can come in Karl." He called out. Maybe the presence of his friend would help soothe some of the pain he was feeling over Anna this night. Amazing, it had been nearly a year, and it still felt like last night that he had killed her. What kind of man was he that he was continued to live while Anna didn't? He had murdered her. What punishment did her deserve? He endured endless nightmares, the curse of the werewolf, and the knowledge that he would never see her again.

Karl listened through the door and heard Van Helsing's consent. Pushing open the heavy oak door Karl cast light into the dark of the room. His eyes went immediately to the rumpled sheets and to the blood stains. 'Another nightmare,' Karl thought. He looked to Gabriel and it was confirmed by the way his friend stood with his hands clenched into fists. It hurt Karl's heart to see Van Helsing so tormented, so cursed. The man had been through hell, been through unspeakable tortures, only to survive and be cursed into being a werewolf for the rest of his life. His life was nothing if not unfair. "I heard you scream again." The Friar took the remaining steps to the window where he took Gabriel's right hand urging the man to unclench his fingers. There, in the palm were deep gouges from his claws. Ripping a piece of his Friar's robe, Karl wrapped the hand as gently as he could manage. Van Helsing never flinched. It should have unnerved Karl that Gabriel was completely naked, but it didn't. He knew the reasons behind it. It was the werewolf in him. The clothes were a hindrance during a transformation. Months ago Gabriel had started to sleep without the clothes and Karl had just gotten used to it.

"I dreamed about her again." Gabriel felt tears well in his eyes. He would not let them fall; he couldn't. Even now his heart ripped to shreds thinking about the funeral pyre; her body being burned to ash. The last time he had seen her sweet face she had been entering Heaven with her brother and father at her side, she had been happy.

"I know." Karl nodded tying off the cloth to keep the bandage in place. He knew what next week was; another full moon. Another moon would go by where his friend would be locked in a cell to be tormented all over again. It killed Karl over and over to have to close the lock himself. But he made sure to be there, to not let Van Helsing suffer alone. "Just remember she is reunited with her family, she's happy now. She's safe." Karl had told him that more than once. It was hollow; the words were empty as the fell on his friend's ears. They did nothing to take away his pain and guilt.

Gabriel took his hand back from Karl and leaned against the edge of the open balcony window. Idly his fingers toyed with the ring that once belonged to the now dead Count Dracula. What was he going to do? How was he going to get through another full moon? Gabriel didn't know. He never knew. He just survived and went about his task that God had set for him. For now he would continue to work for the Knights of the Holy Order until his sins had been redeemed. That would take some time; he had so many to account for. "Thank you Karl."

"Anytime," The Friar muttered turning to look out the window, seeing the half moon. He too dreaded the arrival of the full moon. It would mean he would have to see his friend suffer. A few times Karl had thought about leaving the order, leaving everything behind; even his faith. But he left, who would look after Van Helsing when he turned. Most of the Knights would barely speak to him any more for being what he was. Karl couldn't do that. Besides the Cardinal, he was the only other person that would speak to Gabriel. Everyone else just tolerated him. No, he would stay until Van Helsing wanted him gone or until he died. Given what he knew about the hunter, Gabriel would out last them all. Until that time came, Karl was by his side, helping out in any way that he was able. Right now, Karl could stand with Gabriel gazing at the moon and offering his silent support to the pained hunter.


End file.
